“He was a MAC USER!” I say. “I mean it’s bad enough being an Apple user, but Macs as well! He’d been at it for years, too. When they broke into his basement they found Power Macs, Quadras… They even found… a Lisa.”
“No!” the PFY gasps.
“It’s true!” I say. “And it was still warm!”
“So he wasn’t just experimenting!” the PFY says in hushed tones.
“Oh he inhaled alright! I talked to his family and friends, but none of them had any idea.”
“They’re always the last to know,” the PFY says, shaking his head.
“So let me get this straight,” the Boss says. “You’re concerned because your friend…”
“Colleague,” the PFY says, but even that makes him twinge.
“…Uses Apple computers.”
“I think you mean Apple ‘computers’,” the PFY says, inserting the missing quote marks.
“And that’s a problem?”
“Look, for years he seemed like a normal person!” the PFY says. “He ate with us, drank with us - we thought he WAS one of us. But all along he was hiding a nasty secret!”
“What’s wrong with Apples?”
“They’re just not real computers,” the PFY says. “They’re the piano accordion of the computing world, entertaining, but not made for professionals.”
“Our Graphics people…”
“Yeah, but they’re not professionals. They’d be just as happy with crayons and finger paints!”